Is it possible to hate someone you once loved

This went on for a while as we kept taking jabs at each other and kept pointing out each other's flaws. It is after having gone through experiences like these with my ex and having listened to similar stories from my friends that I spout this piece of small wisdom. Idiosyncrasies and preferences you share with a partner are too intimate, and with my experience, they are best kept away from a hurting ex who might be vengeful. Tracy Ann. Sorry, not sorry! Be my friend? Not really… It is after having gone through experiences like these with my ex and having listened to similar stories from my friends that I spout this piece of small wisdom.

Image credit: IMDB. The Conversation Start a conversation, not a fire. Post with kindness. If you have certain expectations of how you want them to act, it can also help to consider whether those expectations are, in fact, realistic. Every story has two sides, right? In other words, ask yourself what you might have contributed to the conflict or situation — and give yourself an honest answer.

For example, if you feel like they never listen to you, ask yourself if your communication style might leave room for misunderstandings.

Frequent miscommunications can create problems in relationships, but finding new ways to talk about your feelings and needs can help you avoid future communication mismatches. Say your partner clears their throat a lot. If it bothers you, you could try talking to them about it, but there may come a point when you have to figure out a way to get used to it if you want to maintain the relationship. Bringing up any significant issues with your partner respectfully and working together to find a solution is often the key to resolving recurring feelings of hatred.

Sometimes, sharing dark thoughts with those you love and trust can help you feel better and get some perspective. Discussing your feelings can help normalize them. Most people experience some negative thoughts in their relationships. Talking about them can help them seem less alarming and unusual. Maybe you were absolutely furious yesterday and never wanted to see your partner again. But once you start telling your best friend what happened, the situation almost seems comical and you still feel absolutely in love with your partner.

Maybe you loathe your partner right now, in this moment. But what about yesterday? Last week? Two months ago? Focusing your thoughts on the good things in your relationship can often help alleviate anger.

If you want to calm down a little more, list three of their best qualities. In the middle of a disagreement? Could we take a break and come back to this later? This can absolutely take a toll on your feelings for your partner, so make and prioritize a plan to spend some quality time together.

A couples therapist can offer guidance and a safe space for talking through any relationship issues and problematic or harmful behaviors. A therapist can also help you both explore your go-to patterns in conflict and develop more productive communication strategies. That said, too much negativity can affect the health of your relationship, so if you notice these feelings popping up more and more, talking to a therapist may be a good next step. Crystal Raypole has previously worked as a writer and editor for GoodTherapy.

Her fields of interest include Asian languages and literature, Japanese translation, cooking, natural sciences, sex positivity, and mental health. Pent-up anger getting the best of you?

Learn how to release it in a productive way. A lack of communication can bring down even the most picture-perfect relationships. Learn how to recognize communication issues and get things back on…. Saving a relationship takes work, but it's possible. Whether you're trying to make long distance work or dealing with a betrayal, we've got 22 tips….

Thus, while love and hate are at seemingly polar opposites in literature and in our common thinking on the subject, physiologically-speaking they are, quite literally, intimately related. As it turns out, they're not identical. But even the difference between them is cause for pause: When you scan the brain of someone looking at a person they hate, only a small part of the cerebral cortex associated with reasoning and judgment is deactivated; when they're looking at someone they love, large parts of the cerebral cortex are deactivated.

In plain English, this means your ability to exercise logic and reason is switched pretty far off when you're in love with someone, but if you hate them, you can exercise better judgment. According to Professor Zeki, "This may seem surprising since hate can also be an all-consuming passion like love.

But whereas in romantic love, the lover is often less critical and judgmental regarding the loved person, it is more likely that in the context of hate, the hater may want to exercise judgment in calculating moves to harm, injure or otherwise exact revenge. So: Not only does hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, but once she hates you, she's thinking a whole lot more clearly. The lesson here is not, of course, to feel free to hate people you used to love.

It is simply to be kind and gentle with yourself if you do notice those kinds of feelings arising. Feeling murderous rage towards your ex doesn't make you a bad person--if anything, this study demonstrates that there's only so much you can do about that, given that it's lighting up the same brain circuitry for you.

There are lots of ways to stuff down distressing feelings: eating Oreos, watching Netflix, over-exercising, playing video games, even working. It's harder and less comfortable to sit down and actually feel the feelings. Yet that's what many psychologists not to mention mystics will tell you actually helps you move through and past them, so you can let go and move on. If they're that linked in the brain, then it doesn't just work one way around.