What if your mom is mad at you

As we all know and have personal experience navigating, there hardly ever seems to be enough time in the day to balance work, physical activities, as well as our relationships with others. However, the wide gap may not always indicate any negative feelings your mother may harbor towards you, your mom could simply be overwhelmed and having a hard time sorting life and personal time with her children.

Many people describe their moms as warm, attentive, and kind. However, if your estimations of your mother are more along the lines of cold, abusive, or just plain cruel, this could be a worrying sign that your mother holds negative feelings towards you. Your reasons for feeling this way may stem from anything.

Perhaps your mother makes her preference for your siblings obvious in her gifts towards them or in the way she communicates with them. Or maybe your mom lashes out at you for no reason or ignores you and your feelings. For the most part, mothers offer a haven for their children. If you frequently receive poor treatment from your mother in the way of unkind words, repeatedly dismissed feelings, poor communication , or other cruel treatment, this can affect how you relate with her.

Ideally, most adult children tend to be closer to their mothers, with mothers shown to be more involved and have better quality relationships with their offspring. However, not all mothers fit into this mold, with some showing or holding obvious disdain for their children. This may be due to any number of reasons, as some mothers may suffer from depression, which causes them to be unkind or hostile towards their children.

Other times, mothers may be distant and cold towards their children due to emotional burnout caused by being exhausted with their parental roles. In some cases, however, mothers may simply choose unkindness over love for their children.

Instead, it's best that you choose to prioritize your mental health. Being aware that your mother holds animosity towards you can negatively impact your well-being. Experiencing this pain can lead to serious conditions like depression and anxiety making it very important to guard your mental health.

Below are some ways to cope with your mother's unkindness toward you. One of the most trusted ways to deal with the mental distress of an unwelcoming parent is through therapy. By speaking with a qualified professional, you'll be able to unpack the way ill-treatment has made you feel. Beyond that, therapy can teach healthy coping mechanisms to power through her treatment while also helping to discover the appropriate responses to give during tense moments. In addition, listen carefully, as her anger might be stemming from a deeper issue, rather than your latest actions.

Feelings of anger often stem from a feeling of lack of control, suggests psychologist Tom Stevens. For example, she might be angry over the fact you took her car for a joyride, but her underlying feeling is concern for your well-being and her lack of control over your irresponsible actions. Show that you are listening. Use non-verbal cues such as maintaining eye contact and nodding your head.

If there's a pause in her venting, use it to paraphrase what you think she is feeling or ask open-ended questions. For example, ask, "When did you first start feeling really frustrated? Explain yourself and apologize. In the one time I tried to hug my mom a few years ago, she asked me what the heck I was doing and pushed me away. When I tried to further my communication with my dad and mom, my mom would snap back while my dad would give lackluster responses.

Seeing my actions unrequited disheartened me and made me hold back from improving our relationship. He is incredibly respectful to my mom and dad; in return they take to him very kindly. Having him around is like wedging a thick rubber cushion between knives; the knives are me and my family members, while he is the rubber ball. His presence has introduced a layer of softness in my family for sure. So, I began to show love to my parents in ways they can understand. Instead of being irritable and defensive when they speak to me which I used to do due to abrasive experiences compounded since young , I now listen to them with openness, or at least more openness than before.

My parents are definitely receiving this change with open arms. I can feel more positive energy in the family nowadays; my dad has been smiling more often while my mom has been more chatty than usual.

For years, I thought that my mom was a volatile character with erratic anger outbursts. Whenever she got back home from work, she would be irritable, ready to snap at anyone who gets in her way. When I tried to hug her before, she pushed me away instead of returning my hug as a loving mom would to her daughter.

Why is she so volatile? Why is she so unreasonable, irritable, and unapproachable? What is wrong with her? I would ask myself. However, I know that our relationships are mirrors to our souls. So I reflected on my behavior towards her. I realized that just as I have been saddened by how volatile she has been to me as my mom, she is probably saddened by how volatile I have been to her as a daughter.

I would also react defensively whenever she cautions me about something out of good intentions, because I feel she is being naggy.

Rather than wish that she can stop acting in anger, I realized that I need to first stop acting in anger myself. Her anger towards me is merely a mirror of my anger towards her.

So now, I think twice before losing my cool in the family. When my mom speaks to me, I respond to her as who she is at that point in time, rather than react based on compounded emotions from the past read: anger.

When she or anyone in the family for that matter speaks to me angrily, I think about the times when I have been unreasonable and angry towards her, which then makes it easy for me to empathize. At some point in your life, whether as a kid, teen, or young adult, you are going to do something stupid that makes your mom or dad mad, but this article is about making your mom forgive you.

Sometimes, a simple apology won't work, and you need to work a little harder to earn your mother's forgiveness. However, you can up your apology, be respectful, and be on your best behavior to help your mother get over whatever you did. I let my temper get the best of me, but I really want to do better, and I hope you can forgive me.

Then, try to fix the mistake if you can, like repairing or replacing something you broke. Did this summary help you? Yes No. Log in Social login does not work in incognito and private browsers. Please log in with your username or email to continue. No account yet? Create an account. Edit this Article. We use cookies to make wikiHow great. By using our site, you agree to our cookie policy. Cookie Settings. Learn why people trust wikiHow. Download Article Explore this Article methods.

Tips and Warnings. Related Articles. Article Summary. Method 1. Apologize in person. No matter what, don't try to apologize by text or email. Talking to someone in an emotionally charged situation is difficult, but owning up to what you did will help her to see you are sincere.

Be sincere. Use a respectful tone, and say your apology in a clear voice. Mumbling implies that you aren't owning up to what you did. If you don't know how to begin, say something like the following statement: "I am truly sorry that I upset you. I know I shouldn't get into fights with George. I let my temper get the best of me, but I really want to do better. I hope you can forgive me.

Tell the truth. Sometimes, you'll want to lie but don't, but you'll only be caught further if you do it again.. You'll be in even worse trouble then, and you'll have a harder time getting your mother to forgive you. Don't try to talk to her in the heat of the moment.

Let her cool down a little bit. Approach her later when she's had a chance to think. Most importantly do not argue, it only makes things worse. Choose a good time. Don't try to apologize while she is distracted by something else, like cooking dinner. Catch her in a quiet moment, and ask if you can talk to her for a minute. She may not be ready to hear what you have to say.

Wait awhile, and ask again. Don't wait too long. That is, you have to own up to what you did in a timely manner. If you wait too long, your mother will think that you don't feel ashamed for what you did. Listen to what she says. Truly listen, and try to take in why she thinks you did wrong. The only way you can apologize for what you did is to understand why she's mad. Therefore, put yourself in her shoes. She's trying to help you grow as a person, so try to see it her way.

Don't pull other incidents into the topic at hand. Don't bring up what your sibling did or what's happened in the past. You'll only remind her of other bad incidents and make her angrier. Why are you mad at me and not her?